Guest Written by Maya Garbuz

Parents often ask if it is healthy for their child to be attached to an object so much that they insist on taking it everywhere with them.  They worry that this attachment is unhealthy. They see their toddler pull a dirty, half-torn blanket behind them on the playground or insist on taking a stuffed animal with no eyes or ears to the doctor’s office and all they can think about is: germs!

In fact, having such an object is a very healthy and helpful attachment to have for many reasons.  According to some research, having such an object builds child’s confidence and leads to increased independence. It helps the child to separate from a parent at drop off time at daycare or when a babysitter comes. It is always available.

Such object is often called “lovey” and it is something other than a parent a child gets attached to. It is used for comfort when the parent is absent or unable to attend to a child. A lovey could be anything: small blanket, stuffed animal, or a pacifier. Some children attach to loveys on their own, but if your child did not you can help them develop such an attachment by picking out an object for them and leaving it by them at different times during the day:

• while they fall asleep (don’t put the object in the crib with the child younger than 6 months to prevent SIDS)
• while you breastfeed, so that the child can touch/feel it while nursing and start associating the object with the comfort of nursing, calm, mom’s smell, etc.
• during bedtime routine: while reading books, singing songs, massaging the baby, or doing whatever else you do as your bedtime routine.

Soon enough the child will start associating the lovey with the most pleasant times of the day. Once the connection is established the lovey will become the source of comfort and the child will begin to bring lovey with them on their own.

So, if your child does not have a favorite object like this I strongly recommend helping your child develop a connection to an object you choose for them. Decide on what you would like it to be. Small blankets or stuffed animals (no buttons!) work really well for this purpose. Whatever you decide that object will be, buy two and rotate them every few weeks to make sure they look and smell exactly the same. You will be happy you did it when one of the loveys gets lost or ruined beyond repair. When that happens you don’t want to present your child with a brand new (even though identical) object, as it will not feel, look or smell the same. 

Maya Garbuz received her Bachelor’s degree in Education from Lobachevsky University in Russia in 2000 and her Master’s Degree in Social Work from UW-Madison in 2005. She has worked with families and young children for more than 25 years as a teacher, parent coach, and social worker. She received her Maternity and Child Sleep Certification in 2013, after personally struggling with her son’s sleep challenges. Maya enjoys working with all families, but specializes in working with children with disabilities. After many years of working with families, she has learned that anyone can achieve a good night’s sleep with some guidance and support. Her approach to teaching healthy sleep habits is very individualized: she helps families set their goals and decide on the methods they want to use, so that everyone feels comfortable about the approach they use to teach their children healthy sleep habits. Learn more about Maya at https://madisonsleepconsultant.com/